A Way Forward

Mutual submission is the key to solving our problem with power

This is the final installment on a series dedicated to exploring the problem the Church has with power and what we can do about it.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” – Ephesians 5:21

Imagine

Imagine living in a community where each member listens to one another, considers the preferences and opinions of one another, and makes decisions based upon the collective wisdom of each person.

Imagine being part of a family where children are taught how to think for themselves, where they are considered important contributors, respected as Divine image bearers, and are expected to co-labor with their parents and the Spirit of God to develop self-leadership.

Imagine enjoying the kind of marriage in which both partners are deeply valued, cherished, and understood; one in which decisions are made jointly, allowing successes and failures to fall on both partners equally; one in which each partner gives spiritual, emotional, and physical care for the other in complete freedom and with profound respect.

Imagine the social and spiritual impact of a church founded on humility, curiosity, deep reverence for God and others, and mutual leadership that honors a diversity of voices.

Wasn’t this imaginative exercise beautiful? Perhaps inspiring? Moving? Did you find yourself longing for something like this?

I know my heart ached with longing as I wrote those sentences.

Holy Mutuality

The truth is that the solution to our problem with power is contained within the simple phrase mutual submission. Mutual submission is what Jesus embodied when he bent low to wash the dirt off the disciples’ feet and told them that they’d be doing the same if they intended to follow Him. It’s what He taught us in the words of the Sermon on the Mount and when He allowed the woman to wash his feet with her hair and tears, despite the scandal of the scene. It’s also what the Apostle Paul compelled us to do in Ephesians 5, before providing the “household codes,” almost as if he intended mutual submission to be the foundation of all that he was about to command.

It’s revealing that the Apostle’s household codes have been used to subordinate Spirit-filled people, when Paul paints a clear big-picture of mutual submission motivated out of love and obedience to the example and teaching of Christ. Perhaps Paul intended for us to negotiate with the text of his letters, allowing the Spirit of God to teach us all things pertaining to life and godliness for our own contexts, rather than isolating proof-texts to divide up the Body of Christ into males and females, higher and lower authorities, heads and tails (Galatians 3:28).

What I believe it also reveals is that mutual submission is tricky, and much more challenging to navigate than simply putting people in roles-and-responsibilities boxes and telling them to behave. Mutual submission requires slowing down, listening, developing intimacy, and collaborating. It insists on diplomacy and patience and critical thinking. It demands maturity, wisdom, and care.

“The aim of Christian submission isn’t subordination but harmony and unity.”

– Marg Mowczko

The Real Reason We Resist Mutual Submission

Mutual submission means allowing others to have their way at least as much as you get your own way. It invites us into valuing unity and harmony above all else, which will be evidenced in the lengths we will go to preserve those values.

It also requires careful discernment about when to submit and when to withhold submission, allowing the Spirit of God and our collective wisdom to inform who we listen to and when, where we go and what we do.

All of this is possible only when people are expected to take responsibility for themselves and to practice high-quality self-leadership which has been formed by the example of Christ and infused by the power of the Spirit.

In other words, mutual submission is costly. It’s significantly more demanding than shaming people into blind obedience and subordination. It calls each member of the Church to a commitment in which we actually do the things Christ taught us to do:

• Treat others how we want to be treated

• Value others above ourselves

• Deeply desire and actively pursue the best for each person

• Serve rather than seek to be served

What do we have to lose by learning the art of mutual submission in our homes, churches, and communities? Perhaps some of us will be required to surrender our false sense of power and authority. Perhaps many of us will be exposed as clinging too tightly to man-made systems and traditions and we will be invited to let go of those things in favor of the abundance Christ has promised in His new Kingdom Way.

Yet, think of what we stand to gain by learning and valuing mutual submission:

• Freedom to live into the unique invitation God is extending to each of us

• Joy in co-laboring together as equal and esteemed partners in all things

• Stability as we learn to think critically, see beyond our personal biases, and gather the collective wisdom of all (women, children, and men)

• Relief as we bear the burdens equally

• Safety as we allow the voices of the hurt to alert us to the ones doing harm in our communities

• Renewal as the impact of our life-giving way of life is felt in the larger context of the world

• Peace as we learn to rest in the consensus built between the Spirit of God and all members of the community

Is This Realistic?

You may be thinking that this all sounds great, but also very naïve. Who will be in charge? How will things get done? I hesitate to address those questions because, though they are natural to ask, they’re also silly.

Considerate, loving, marriages, families, and churches of mutuality do already exist, and they are getting along just fine. Things get done, bills get paid, life continues without massive disruption. And guess what? God is with those marriages, families, and churches and God is blessing them, despite what fear-mongering pontificators may say. It’s time for us to bravely ignore these voices who want to keep us divided, rigid, and bound. Their assessment of what happens in relationships of mutuality do not match reality, and that should matter to us as people of Truth.

Mutual submission is an art that requires intention, commitment, humility, love, and aid from the Spirit of God as we dignify one another in all things. It is aligned magnificently with the example and teaching of Christ, and it is the foundation of all Paul taught us about relating to one another in love. It’s the solution to our problem with power, and it will look beautifully unique in every family, church, and community – as it should. It is adaptable, allowing us to collectively rise to every challenge in our unique contexts. It is free and fair, as every voice is heard and safety is maintained as we each take turns leading and submitting, giving and receiving, with no rigid structures demanding that any of us surrender our intelligence, agency, or intuition.

Mutual submission provides a beautiful picture of love which underscores the difference between Christ’s Church and the power-obsessed structures of the world. We live out the Third Way of Christ in which are empowered to love one another and fight for harmony over hierarchy.

As I bring this series to a close, I want to leave you with the words of the poet Jack Gilbert who reminds us of the power and glory of mutuality, interdependence, and partnership:

We think the fire eats the wood. We are wrong. The wood reaches out to the flame. The fire licks at what the wood harbors, and the wood gives itself away to that intimacy, the manner in which we and the world meet each new day.

And this from Ursula K. Le Guin. May we begin bravely living into this inalterable dream together:

“Independence was as far as his mind could reach. Yet I think his mind groped further, towards what he could not see, the body’s obscure, inalterable dream of mutuality.”